fuck it, we ball

my new motto in response to a world that is in shambles

I have taken an unintentional hiatus from my Substack and for that, I apologize. My excuse is quite lame - I’ve just been slightly uninspired to write and also incredibly busy. However, I became inspired recently when 1. two of my friends inquired about why my Substack had gone dormant and 2. I thought about my new life motto which I will share with you here:

FUCK IT, WE BALL.

I cannot recall where exactly I heard this phrase for the first time, but with a quick Google search, I give you the official Urban Dictionary definition:

My life is in utter disarray, yet in spite of that, I spite of every set back I must face, I will rise to the occasion at any opportunity.

The notion that my life specifically is in utter disarray is a bit misguided - in reality, nothing truly horrible is going on with me. However, I don’t think I need to describe in deep detail the state of the world that we are currently forced to endure daily. Instead of actually describing the atrocities of our society, I’ll just give you some key words to illustrate and jog the idea of what I mean:

Trump. Elon. Impending WWIII. Violence against trans people. Rising prices. Natural disasters. Mental health. ETC ETC ETC.

All of this to say, that when I rise in the morning and pull my gratitude journal from my nightstand, a wave of existential dread smacks me in my sleepy, mouth-taped face. As I struggle to harness gratitude, I realize I need to get extremely micro and specific.

I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful for a new day.

In spite of my sense of impending doom and anxiety, I’ve tried my best to become very granular in what matters and what keeps my own personal world spinning. Part of that, is being responsible and completing the responsible tasks that I know will make me feel good. Working out, cleaning my apartment, going to therapy. The other big part of that, is doing fun shit.

It’s saying yes to going out to see friends on a work night if I feel like I’ve had a tough day. It’s eating the damn Girl Scout cookie. It’s spending a little bit less time reading if I want to watch grown women scream at each other on Bravo. And most importantly, it’s saying yes to experiences and travel.

Earlier this month, I skied in Lake Tahoe with two of my best friends. The three of us spent the days waking up and braiding each other’s hair before shredding on the mountain. We took long lunches at the summit, chatting with random skiers and snowboarders on shared picnic tables. In the afternoons, we drank hot chocolate and cozied by a fireplace, sharing our feelings about life and truly were present with each other. No matter how exhausted I was at work the next week or the slight fear I felt when I looked at my credit card statement, my emotional cup had been filled.

Sometimes, I feel nervous about the state of the world. Sometimes, I don’t want to spend too much money or skip my workout or take time off of work. But I think the only way to cope with everything that feels evil, is to lean into everything that feels connected. To be surrounded by other people and to connect with them in a real way might be the only solution I’ve been able to find.

So with that I say, fuck it. Go on the trip. Grab the glass of wine after work. Say yes to the random, last minute plans. Take your time in the mornings to do all the things that make you a better, kinder human being throughout the day. That’s what I’ll continue to do, at least.

best trip ever!!! fuck it, we balled!